Landscapes of the Heart author Juliet Grayson has us asking: which type are you?
While apps and online dating have made it easier to meet someone, actual relationships still regularly fall foul of the same niggling disagreements and arguments. However, one key step towards enjoying a healthier love life may be by first looking inwards.
Are you kind or cold? Selfish or selfless? Do you crave their company or seek more alone time?
For relationship therapist Juliet Grayson, author of Landscapes Of The Heart, we all fall into four specific categories when it comes to our behavior in relationships: the Boss, the Loner, the Pleaser, and the Self-Developer.
- “The boss, the loner, and the pleaser are all caught up in needing the other person to be in an emotionally balanced state in order to feel OK themselves,” she explains. “It’s called emotional fusion – when you’re caught up in what the other person thinks or feels rather than your own feelings. You don’t know you’re doing it but most people do.”
Here, we examine her theory in more detail.
“These individuals seek to control or stifle their partner so that they don’t feel bad. They look to influence their partner in this away as a means of making everything OK.”
“A pleaser’s way of controlling is by placating and making everything okay. These are your new-age men who are busy doing the cooking, washing and generally trying to compensate to make things okay.”
“Despite what you may first assume, the loner is also very caught up in other people’s feelings. They manage it by keeping a distance and avoiding moments of intimacy because the other person’s impact on them is too powerful.”
“The self-developer has the ability to be themselves and be in a relationship despite those conflicting drives. Because being yourself doesn’t always sit well with the drive to be part of a couple. But reach the stage of self-developer and you’ve got it sussed.”
Landscapes Of The Heart is out now from Sleeping Mountain Press.